Setting Boundaries

First we must begin with what is a boundary? A boundary can be physical or emotional. It sets a limit with another person to define your own individual space, without becoming enmeshed with someone else or the situation. All of our relationships have a different type of personal boundary. The boundaries that one sets with an intimate partner may look and sound very different than the boundary that is set with a co-worker; but in each of these instances there must be comfort in maintaining contact with each formed relationship.

Boundaries are unique for each and every individual. Age, religion, gender, sexual orientation, education, ethnicity, language, and so much more all play a part in how we develop our boundaries. There are four simple questions we can ask ourselves when developing personal boundaries for emotional and spiritual wellness. The first part is to define the boundary. For example, “I cannot tolerate you calling me derogatory names when you are angry or stressed”. It is important to say what you need. There is no need to over explain it. Keep it clear and concise. You then finish by stating why it is important. Again, going back to the original example; When you call me derogatory names it triggers my past failures and it is painful. I have chosen not to be around that time of environment anymore for my personal mental health.

In setting boundaries in your relationships, whether they are with your family, friends, coworkers or romantic partner, it is imperative to have consequences that you will follow through with as well if these boundaries are violated. Such as, Michael if you continue to degrade me when we are working together I will have to remove myself from this project with you. This is a simple, respectful way to set a personal boundary upfront and with honesty. It gives a clear, concise response respectfully with a consequence and allows for an open conversation. Setting boundaries is necessary for developing healthy emotions and it is a powerful self-care tool for the healing tooling box you are building for your post traumatic growth.

Communication is the key factor in self-care and self acceptance. Learning to develop appropriate personal boundaries takes practice, but as we learn to become transparent and authentic with our emotions and feelings, the ability to create healthy personal boundaries becomes easier. Changing your perception positively is the first step in learning to love who you are; authentically.